Will

 

Your life is the holy book.

Mirabai Star

Where do you find the will to change, grow, evolve? The will to learn something new, take better care of the body/mind, deepen in relationship with friends, family, community, the divine?

In yoga philosophy, the path towards change requires Tapas, Svadyaya, and Ishvara Pranidana. Tapas is the sustained and devoted effort of practice over a long period of time.  Svadyaya is the self-study required along the way to discern what the heart is longing to bring forth into the world, the inner obstacles like fear, shame, and despair that need to be navigated, the search for light in the darkness of the unknown.  Ishvara Pranidana is the surrendering of the smaller egoic goals and outcomes to the divine so that we might be sustained in the kiln of transformation.

Meaningful transformation takes a long while even when we long to make changes. That first important step is the yearning for something different (Ishvara Pranidana). Often times what I face in the procrastination is an inner obstacle or resistance that I am not yet fully aware of and that needs to be contended with before any kind of change or new undertaking can commence (Svadyaya). To sustain this demanding effort of change, to overcome torpor, despair, hopeless, the inner most self needs to be part of the effort (Tapas).  The egoic or outer most self on its own cannot sustain the effort for growth because the egoic self seeks outer recognition, accolades, adoration and not crucible transformation. 

Growth is necessary for life.  Without growth we become stagnant, inflexible, stuck in a prison of habits and cultural persuasion.  Because we cannot know beforehand where this growth is leading us, what will become of us when we let go of the old patterns and habits, we necessarily are vulnerable, tender, uncertain in growth. We may be working to write a novel, climb a mountain, care for a family member, but deeper down in bringing our longings out into the world we are most importantly coming into a richer and more complex relationship with the inner self, the part closest to God.  We are not unlike the seed which does not know what it is growing into as it cannot help but reach up towards the light and down into the dark soil.  Only in its fruition will it know what and how it became a blade of grass, an oak, an orchid.