Parinama

In this interval where the broken images of the observer and the observed are being repaired there comes the intense feeling of loneliness….In listening to the story of the broken image, one can not only be free from it but one can transform the interval of loneliness into the creative moment of Aloneness.   Rohi Mehta, Yoga the Art of Transformation   I recently returned from a five-day trip to the White Mountains of New Hampshire.   It was more retreat and pilgrimage than vacation.   Because I was alone, it was an intense inner experience of silent observation and reflection along with long strenuous hiking.   Because this is a place that I have been visiting for over 40 years, my days were filled with memories of the past.   I was accompanied on this trip by the 15-year-old me, the 25-year-old, 40-year-old.   My daughter was here in memory of past trips along with other friends and family.   The places I visited were so drenched in memory...

    Falling in love with someone who falls in love back brings us into a feeling of deep belonging.   From this belovedness, we can find a well-spring into creativity, expansion, and courage to do things we did not think we were capable. Because of its power, this kind of love can be transformative in unexpected and unanticipated ways.   In this kind of love, I have found the courage to move across the country, begin a new and unexpected course of study, run a marathon, have a child.    This kind of love is a potent medicine for making change and taking risk and as John O’Donahue has written it dissolves all of our awkwardness.   It is an experience of homecoming where the parts of ourselves we have rejected find a loving home with the love from the other.     But this kind of love does not last.   While a kind of love can remain, the in-loveness fire inevitably fades as we become real people to our lovers and they...

  This is the time of year I start to close and open windows.   After leaving them open all summer, I now close them in the evenings, so it won’t be too chilly in the morning.   By late morning, after the sun starts to warm the day, I open them again for the fresh warm air. The temperature never feels just right but always in flux. This is what my heart is like, opening and closing throughout the day.   I might start to feel anxious and overwhelmed at how much needs to get done at work (closed) and then later during a walk I am delighted by the musty fall fragrance of wet leaves and earth, the exploding purple flowers on the long green stems, the slash of starlings across the sky (open).   I open to what warms me and close to what makes me cold.   I wish the outer situation would keep me warm so I might stay open all the time. A permanent vacation, for example, from overwork, unaccommodating funders, one more revision of a paper long over...