Parinama

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” ― Søren Kierkegaard I am surprised by what I remember. Some memories rise up effortlessly over and over again while others require searching and digging. They span some 61 years of living but their clarity and impact are not related to time.   So many from my childhood are as easy to slip into as the conversation in the next room.   I have forgotten most minutes, hours, days of this longish life which seemed unfathomable at the time it was all happening.   Similar to what Maya Angelou said about what we remember, how we remember how people made us feel not what they said, my memories are mostly about how I felt. Any sense perception I have of what happened, the colors, sounds, smells, textures, circulate around and give expression to those feelings like in a dream. I find it extraordinary that how I remember things changes overtime. What had seemed like a shameful failure is no...

Some have described spiritual longing as a kind of “homesickness”, a yearning for comfort, caregiving, belonging.   This time of year, in growing darkness, trees bursting in reds, oranges, and yellows, morning frost on the stone wall in front of my house, I feel a homesickness for my childhood.   For that time of innocence, playfulness, my young mother and father surrounding me with protection.   Although it was not always so safe in my house, my longing is for a return to those moments when I could let go freely into play and imagination, grounded in the shelter and celebration of my family.   In this time and place apart, I am unencumbered by burdens, time pressures, fear, or overwhelm.   I am free to walk in the forest, sit by leaf strewn streams, climb mountains that elevate my spirit.   But if we are to be touched by the world, we cannot be innocent of or stand apart from what is happening to and around us.   If we are to take...