Parinama

Hiking in winter is a pilgrimage to me.  A journey of not only body but of soul into its own aliveness.  I am always a bit afraid being out in the cold, far from shelter, deep in snow.  No matter how much I prepare, there are always unforeseen challenges on a winter hike.  A frozen water bottle, a broken snowshoe strap, snow that is too deep to push through. If I fall and need help it could a long while in the cold before I am found. I am prudent and cautious, but it can be hard to know when turning around makes good sense and when is means I am giving up on myself.  I read the signs carefully, weather and snow conditions, energy and hunger, longing and belonging. I am surprised by the beauty of the winter forest, the insulating quiet of the snow, deep blue of a mid-day winter sun, stunted mountaintop spruce layered in hoarfrost. After hours of hiking, step after heavy step, I am suddenly taken in by a sweeping view of the valley below.  I am amazed, each t...

The soul is that mysterious and penetrating part of ourselves that longs for depth, growth, aliveness and union with the divine.  I think of the soul as the intermediary between what is known and what is unknown within me, helping me to blossom into the light seeds that are buried in the dark. In this blossoming, the light is connected to the dark, a tension that when properly understood brings us into great vibrancy and creativity.   For this growing to occur, we need to cultivate a tolerance for the discomfort of shame, humility, and paradox. Life itself through the soul’s intersession does this for us.  Necessary losses, failures, falling apart, the encountering what we had hoped would never happen is the stuff of the life-giving compost for our soil.  It maybe that the soul is the part of ourselves that reaches out into the world to bring us into composting experiences that will stink at first but in the end become transforming, tenderizing, maturing.  ...

Dispossessed: To lack hold of.. Is contemplation leading me, as John Mains writes, to dispossession instead of another new possession….To fall back into Source will first feel more like losing than growing, more like dying than achieving, especially if you have been building and maintaining your personal container for most of your life. Richard Rohr, Dancing in Stillness When I read this passage during my morning Lectio Divina, I was thrown off balance.  I long for comfort, a safe landing place, a contemplation as cozy as sitting by the fireside drinking tea. Several months into a prolonged and unexpected unemployment, dispossession feels intolerable to me and much like dying than growing or transforming. That the spiritual path should contain such heartbreak can feel unendurable during times of loss. All losses have their own unique and intimate shades and textures of darkness.  The pain and intensity of the event, where it lands in our body and psyche, will depend on what ha...