The changed and the changeless

 

Discriminative discernment gives the yogi the ability to distinguish between that which changes and that which is changeless-which is what is needed to make the final distinction between the individual self and the Purusha and attain Self-realization.

 

To be forever free from the delusion that anything outside the realization of the Self can bring lasting fulfillment is the second factor necessary to attain enlightenment.

J Carrera, Inside the Yoga Sutras

 

In yoga philosophy, freedom (kaivalya) is built upon the two foundations of (viveka) discriminative discernment and (vairagya) non-attachment.  With viveka, we begin to comprehend how everything in nature is constantly in flux and that only Purusa, presence or the inner Seer remains unchanged.  With vairagya, we become non-attached to worldly outcomes knowing that connection to the inner Self, the true source of fulfillment, can never be disrupted by outer events.

 

I had a recent experience of kaivalya that drew upon these two roots of viveka and vairagya.  I was facing a complex of obstacles moving my mother into an assisted living facility. While this is naturally a difficult and painful transition, the situation was made much worse by the chaos created by another family member who was angry not to have control over the transition.  While this was never my aunt’s decision to make, she refused to abide with the choicesI was making with my mother.  She sought out a lawyer to wrest control of my mother’s finances and to gain control of her move.  For several weeks, she had my mother staying with her and denied my mother access to me and to her friends.   

 

As I began to realize what was happening, I felt an urgent need to move my mother as soon as possible into the place we had chosen together.  But my aunt was not allowing my mother to speak to me without her also being on speaker phone.  She was instructing my mother not to see me alone, not to trust me with the finances or her health care, to move into a place closer to where she lives but that my mother could not afford. My mother who suffers from cognitive impairment didn’t understand what was happening.  She stopped calling and texting me.

 

I was flooded with fear and anger over what was happening.  In a state of near shock at being so badly betrayed by a family member and cut-off from my vulnerable mother, I scrambled to pull all the finances and paper work together to move my mother into the assisted living facility early into a respite room until her own room was ready. 

 

I think my yoga practiced saved me during this awful time.  In the midst my fear and grief, a window into a calmer place opened inside of me from which I could take the next small step and getting things organized for this move.  Things on the outside were so chaotic.  To find the source of unchanging inner calm gave me a place to see things in greater perspective and to find what endured between my mother and myself despite her confusion and the wedge my aunt had placed between us.  I gave up needing things to turn out a certain way even as I continued to work towards moving my mother into the place we had chosen together.   I focused on opening up a flow of love between my mother and myself and had faith that this flow would kindle her remembering the deep connection and trust between us.

 

It was with this clarity and connection to an inner source that I found the freedom to act with courage and faith in the midst of the chaos and harm against my mother and myself.  Unleashing rage at my aunt, which part of me longed to do, I knew would only cause more chaos and damage. I used my powers to concentrate solely on the connection between my mother and myself.

 

I secured a respite room for my mother weeks before her scheduled move-in date in the place we had chosen together.  I told my mother I was coming to take her to lunch, her and I alone, so I could see how she was doing. talk to her about where she wanted to move, let her know a room was available for her.  “N wants to come with us,” she texted back, “She will be upset if she cannot come.”  “I want special time with you,” I told her.  But she kept saying no even up to the morning I left to go and see her. 

 

When I arrived, I remained focused and calm feeling the power of the ancestor’s and divine grace running through me. I went inside, looked my mother straight in the eyes and asked her to come to lunch with me.  With only the briefest of pauses, she looked right back and me and said yes.  The red seas had parted. We walked out together and later that afternoon we signed the lease for her new home.