Body of Prayer

 

“Asana are my prayer.”

BKS Iyengar

 

When we try to keep what we are afraid of hidden from our consciousness we tend to grip the diaphragm.  This large muscle which wraps around the lower ribs like a drumhead separates the lower body from the upper body.  When we feel fear, this muscle naturally tightens and cuts the heart and head off from the abdominal organs the source of our energy and the pelvis the source of our creativity.  This diaphragm at the solar plexus is known as a spiritual threshold.  When it is tight, it means we are choosing fear over faith.  Fear of feeling what is rising from our depths to be known to us more fully.  By opening and softening the diaphragm we can move towards more faith that we will know what to do, even when it is difficult, to move towards wholeness, integration, wisdom, and compassion.  Our body in this open and receptive state becomes a prayer written in sinew, blood, and breath, for courage to be aware and open in the midst of heartbreak, shame, and fear.

 

When things are challenging, we may feel that it is too difficult to cross into the spiritual threshold of the open diaphragm.  Better to keep it closed with distractions, addictions, busyness, or ploughing through to fix things that are not in our power to fix.  These distractions buildup an inner wall that keeps us from feeling the dark and difficult. But this is where the truth of our experience lives. Cutoff from the wellspring of inner truth, we are less capable of attending to the challenge.  We will fall short from who we deep down know we can be because we are afraid of living in the vulnerability. 

 

 There is so much happening now with my mother that I cannot control.  As she ages, there is more cognitive declines, pain in a weakening body, isolation from friends not able to gather. She may not be able to drive much longer.  She needs more care but refuses it, gets angry when I bring it up, does not want to see her doctor anymore.  I don’t know yet what resources are there to help us in this situation.  To be able to open myself up to the pain and sorrow of this situation is the blessing of an open diaphragm.  Keeping closed to my feelings in this situation might break me. But open, fluid, receptive in my diaphragm, anger and frustration eventually melt into sadness and grief.  Tears flow releasing the tension behind my heart and in my neck. I open up to my utter inability to change anything about what is happening.  I feel the pain of a thousand other daughters experiencing the same grief and vulnerability.  As I feel my heart breaking open, I am not immobilized but and graced with the courage to take the next step to call the council on aging and a friend for help.  I am not crushed by despair or hopelessness but find the balance to bear this burden which as her daughter is mine alone to bear.  By crossing into the spiritual threshold, into the shadowland, I feel the truth of the sadness, its holiness, graced with bodily knowledge of the preciousness of life.