Seeds of Forgiveness

 

 Forgiveness comes when we are able to carry some of the burden of the person we are forgiving.  For forgiveness to emerge, we need to get a felt sense of the wound that led the person to betray, hurt, reject, violate. When we feel this woundedness in our own heart’s, the forgiveness flows to the one who hurt us because we come to know the burden of their limitations and unresolved pain.

 

It is not necessary that we forgive.  Rage and anger may need to be held for a long time, a lifetime even, for us to feel safe, to repair the boundary that was violated.  We may long to let go of the anger to be free from the violator and the violation.  But anger can’t be forced.  It dissolves on its own time, effortlessly, like a ripe fruit dropping from a tree.  Just as the fruit heavy from its own ripening longs for release into the earth, we too can come into a longing to let the anger go. 

 

The ripening comes when we understand in our hearts the woundedness and disfunction that led the violator to the violence.  No one freely chooses to be violent, angry, dismissive, shaming.  The violence and violation are fed from the parts of ourselves we cannot accept or love.  We act out violently to rid ourselves of this pain.  These are desperate acts rooted in a stunted heart starving for love and compassion. Forgiveness flows as we understand how cut-off the violator is from their own tenderness and compassion. As we feel some of their pain, we carry some of their burden.  Then our anger ripens, dissolved into our tender hearts, seeding new growth and freedom.