Besieged

 

Besieged as we are, little wonder that men and women alternate between the dream of a place apart, untouched by the world and then wanting to be wanted again in that aloneness.
David Whyte, Contemplations

I often long for a stress-free life and imagine it might be possible if I could go on pilgrimage or a solitary retreat.  In this fantasy, I am at peace with myself in a beautiful and inspiring setting (think far reaching mountains, cascading waterfalls, lush forests, wild ocean shores).  On retreat, there is the shelter of a perfectly suited cabin (woodstove!).  If on pilgrimage, there is a soft bed with a feather comforter to rest every evening after watching the sunset.  I am unopposed and unobligated freed from the repetitions that necessarily come from living a more mundane day to day work-a-day life.  

If on pilgrimage, I would set out each day towards a new destination not knowing who or what I will see along the way.  On retreat, there is ample time for yoga practice, writing and meditation, long walks in the nearby mountains.

But just writing this, the fantasy starts to give me heartbreak.  How I would miss being needed in the world and the great opportunity to give something back.  How I would miss the focus that work provides and even the stress of the challenge of working with others to make something together.    

It would seem that we are destined to live on the knife's edge of longing and belonging finding balance in the tug of both on our lives.  

Perhaps for today, may I find a balance between the solitude that renews me and the obligations which connect me to others in ways that challenges and enriches, a hot tea in the cool of the morning, a solitary walk through the forest at sunset, an offering of patience to a frazzled colleague, a call to a heart-sick friend.